Rapists are completely normal men

https://www.wienerzeitung.at/a/ganz-normale-maenner

Completely normal men

By Beatrice Frasl (Austrian feminist author)

The Avignon trial revealed what we like to deny: rapists are not monsters, but normal men.

(The reason why I do not refer to Gisèle by her surname here is not a slight to her, but on the contrary the fact that her surname is also that of the perpetrator, the surname she took when she married him and I do not want to refer to her by the name of her husband - Dominique Pélicot - who drugged her for years, raped her and induced dozens of other men to rape her under sedation. Her first name, however - Gisèle - belongs only to her).

Thousands of men

In addition to the heroine Gisèle, there are also those who are better left out of the whole affair [by media]: the perpetrators. Those 52 men who saw nothing wrong with raping an unconscious woman. The 52 men on trial in Avignon are only those who could be identified in the videos and photos produced by Dominique Pélicot. Those who could not be identified will probably never be brought to justice. Nor will those who saw Dominique Pélicot's advertisement but did not report it. So presumably we are not just talking about the more than 80 different men who were seen in the videos (and of whom just over 50 were recognizable), but about hundreds, perhaps thousands of men. [...] Or fathers, brothers, uncles and friends. And the men who do it or would do it are men we all know.

Monsters and beasts

In the media, Dominique Pélicot is referred to as the “beast” of Avignon, or the other perpetrators as “monsters”. After all, monsters are easy to avoid. Monsters are mythical creatures or fictional creatures that are usually immediately recognizable because of their monstrosity. Discursively shifting the sexual violence perpetrated by normal men next door (or not just next door, but right in our own homes) into the realm of fiction and dehumanizing the perpetrators themselves as monsters serves the purpose of lulling ourselves into a false sense of security: it can't happen to me, after all, I don't have any monsters in my life. It can't happen to my daughter either, or my sister or my wife. On the other hand, there is always a hint of victim-blaming hidden in this: if only she had avoided the monster, then none of this would have happened to her (she could have, you can tell by looking at them that they are monsters). If you hang out with monsters, you have to expect monstrous things. Anyone who associates with monsters puts themselves in danger through their own fault, so to speak.

The truth is: rapists are normal men, normal people. To quote (on X/twitter @) wastarasays: “Nobody put themselves in danger.” No one could have kept themselves safe. And therein lies the most uncomfortable truth of all: No one can get themselves to safety.

Wives, daughters, friends, mothers

Gisèle was not safe and never put herself in danger. She was married to a man whom she loved and who, to all appearances, loved her just as much. Who could never harm her. Gisèle says she often told her husband how glad she was to have him. She was already planning to retire with her husband when she realized what he had done to her (and their daughter, of whom he took nude photos and who also reported being drugged by him) over the years. In court, she addressed her ex-husband directly, saying: “You have always been good-natured and attentive over the years.I never doubted your trust.”And: “I still don't understand how you could betray me like that by bringing strangers into our bedroom.”

Wives, daughters, girlfriends and mothers of the alleged perpetrators also appear in court and side with the alleged perpetrators. Like most wives, daughters, girlfriends and mothers, they cannot even remotely imagine that their husbands, fathers, boyfriends and sons would inflict sadistic sexual violence on women. Therefore, out of self-protection and to protect themselves from the truth, they justify their actions in court, make up explanations and accuse Gisèle. Like most wives, daughters, girlfriends and mothers, they also believe that the men they love are good men. They believe what Gisèle also believed.

Loving husbands

They may believe that if they were close to an abuser, they would recognize it. They may believe that someone who commits sexual violence, that a man who rapes women, cannot be a loving husband, son, friend or father at the same time. The truth is: most rapists are also loving husbands or sons or boyfriends or fathers. Dominique Pèlicot was always what you would call a loving husband. When Gisèle showed physical symptoms from the constant sedation and rape (unaware, of course, that her husband was abusing her all the time), this very man accompanied her to the doctor. The neighbor who raped her was also always friendly to her, greeted her at the bakery, even came by to fix her bike.

“I know what it's like, I also thought my husband was beyond reproach and an exceptional person. But rapists don't just strike at night in the underground parking garage. Most of the time, they act within their family or circle of acquaintances and nobody would suspect them,” says Gisèle to the women who defend the men they love in court.

“We need to stop differentiating rapists from men by calling them 'monsters'. This case shows that they are ordinary men. The problem is completely unremarkable men and not some horror figures that you immediately recognize by their monstrosity,” writes Tanja on X.

Not monsters, not beasts

• Rapists are neither monsters nor beasts. Rapists are just normal men.
• Rapists are doctors and truck drivers and journalists and psychotherapists and construction workers and unemployed people and celebrated artists and profeminist activists.
• Rapists are our brothers, fathers, husbands and best friends.
• Rapists are our favorite colleagues and our bosses and our helpful neighbors.
• They are the men who sit next to us on the subway.
• They are the men we swipe left or right on dating apps.
• They are the men who make us laugh in the office or when we give a joint presentation at university. Or on the cabaret stage.
• It's the men whose music we listen to, whose movies we watch and whose books we read.
• It is the men with whom we feel safe, who accompany us home to protect us from rapists because we are already too drunk to be left alone.
• It's the men with whom we spend hours talking animatedly about art or politics or whatever.
• It's the men who always have the right feminist opinions and it's the men who don't.
• It's the men who sleep next to us in bed.
• It's the men we plan our lives with.
• It's the men we have children with.
• They are the men we raise children with.
• They are the men we have raised as our children.
• They are the men who take us to the train station or to the airport and who are waiting for us when we arrive.
• They are the men we marry.
• It's the men we go out for coffee with.
• It's the men we would never think could be those monsters.