Unconventional Addict?

I hate using this term because it makes me feel like a fraud but is anyone else married to someone who is an unconventional addict?

Whatever their current hyper focus is, it feels like it’s the last straw, but it’s actually not and you still stay? And each cycle you always think “this is it.” And that can go two ways. It can either be, “this is it, they’ve finally scratched that itch. It’s only up from here.” Or, “this is it, I’ve had it with the lies and broken promises. I’m finally leaving.”

It doesn’t matter what the subject is, it’s the repeated behaviors that never stop. Or stop long enough, that it gives you hope that they’re finally normal for good. It has caused so much damaged trust and emotional pain. It’s caused financial hardships but not so bad that you are completely broke, but enough to cause large dents in disposable income and send you into credit card debt. It sucks all their daily attention and energy that it leaves little for you or the kids. You initiate spending time together and communicate your thoughts/ feelings only to be regularly dismissed and ignored.

I’m the sucker who just can’t seem to actually leave. And please believe me when I say I’ve been through the wringer. We are college sweethearts and have children together and been together half our lives. I truly love this person when they’re in the upswing of their hyper focus/addiction and their true potential shines through just long enough to create a false sense of hope. Our family has so many good times and core memories together, but my heart has been broken so many times, it feels pulverized. This probably makes me sound very codependent but I literally cannot imagine walking away and not having our family unit together everyday.

Does anyone else just constantly feel stuck? You want calmness and not chaos. You want to be able to rely on your spouse and trust they will follow through with their words. No more broken promises. They are a source of peace and not stress.

I’m just wondering if other people feel lonely in their marriage too.