Had to say goodbye
One hour ago we came back from the vet without our best friend Diego.
It was all happening so fast.
On Saturday he had problems peeing and we took him to the clinic. He had lost a lot of weight - he was always very thin and had 3,9kg in his best days - now he was down to 2,86kg. Somehow we didn't notice it. The vet wasn't trained in US (Ultrasound) but did it anyway after she felt two big lumps in his stomach. She said, this looks like lymphoma but to be sure we should come back on monday and talk to a specialist. She gave him painkillers and he seemed fine for the moment. He still couldn't pee by himself.
On Sunday he was doing ok, not great but ok. Still couldn't pee and I looked up a bunch of tutorials online to help him. This was working so I did what I could.
On Monday he stopped eating. He looked like he was hungry and always ran towards the food but just to sniff and turn around. He just ran through our whole apartment trying to pee but still wasn't able to do it on his own. At the vet he was very calm and already a bit tired I think. He made a second US and Diego was calm as never before and the specialist told us, what we didn't want to hear: 2 big lymphomas at his intestines. Bladder also possible (there was a blockage which weren't stones or anything else). He told us we would have 2 possibilities: chemo or cortisone. But nothing would save him. Because of his age and all he has been through we decided against chemo and for cortisone to make his last days as pleasant as possible. The doctor agreed with us. We made an appointment for the next visit in 2 weeks to get his next dose.
Today he greeted me at the bedroom door in the morning and my husband and I were so happy - but he still couldn't eat and still couldn't pee by himself. After my husband went to his office I watched him and cuddled him as much as I could. He was exhausted, just laying on his favorite blanket, watching birds and starring. He wasn't really here anymore. Then he had to puke and the puke was blood. I was devastated. I called my husband and afterwards the clinic. I knew it was his time. The sun came out and he could sit for one last moment on the balcony on his beloved pillow.
When my husband arrived we took him to the clinic and said our last goodbye. We cried our eyes out, we couldn't believe it.
Diego was 14 years and 8 months, he was a shelter cat who came to us when he was 1 year. He was always gentle and the purest soul we ever met. He loved to be cuddled in the sun and in the second we sat down he was on one of our laps and taking a big nap.
I'm sitting here and I'm crying. My thoughts are spiraling - was it to early? Why didn't we notice the weightloss? Would it have changed anything? Probably not and he could enjoy his last months in peace without a doctor (whom he hated) and without medication (which he hated even more).
The reason why I write this: the last days I was looking for answers, advice...anything just to keep my best friend. And I found two sentences in this sub.
Better 1 month too early than 1 day too late.
and
Grief is love with no place to go.
Those two sentences mean the world to me. I hope someone who is in a similar situation will find some peace in those words.
Hug your kitties and love them like there's no tomorrow.