How do people leave?
I’m truly begging for help right now. I (21F) have been in love with my bf (21M) for as long as i can remember. we met in elementary school when we were both 7 and it’s been him since that moment without wavering on my end.
we dated when we were 13 and he spent months orchestrating his cheating by having his friends block me from their stories, figuring out how to secretly meet up, etc. i also recently found out by reading texts from that long ago that she was accusing him of cheating on him with yet another girl (not me) so he cheated on me twice then and forgot about it. it was my first introduction to relationships and fucked me up a bit but whatever it’s cool we were 13, we were kids, i forgave and let go.
we dated again at 15. he was in a relationship with a girl who didn’t go to our school let’s call her B. he spent every day in class flirting with me to the point where a teacher asked us in front of the class if we were together. he finally breaks up with this girl and i told him i get it if he needs some time but i really like him. he tells me he doesn’t want to be anything serious of the bat and i respected that. then i found out he was begging another girl to date him at this time. he also told my best friend that if she’s interested in him then he will “let me down easy”. we STILL dated after that (im genuinely a fucking doormat ik). during this 2 month relationship he cheated on me with a girl, and then broke up with me while i was on vacation so he could hook up with another one. i also only found this out recently. fucked me up real badly again. but again we were only 15. we were kids so i let it go.
i stopped talking to him for 2 years after our break up. during that time he dated B twice. we slowly started talking again as very clearly just friends and three months after he broke up with B he asked me to hang out. on our second hang out he asked to kiss me. i said no. this really took him a back and he got embarrassed. i told him that i really don’t care what he wants but just that he’s honest with me because he never has been. does he want to date? does he want to just be friends? does he want a fwb? i told him i don’t care he just has to be sure about it and honest. the next date he told me he wanted to be with me. i told him to slow tf down and i don’t trust him. he told me he’s being genuine. i said he has to wait a month. if he still feels like he wants to be with me after a month then we can try. he asked me out every single day of that entire month. he took me out on very sweet dates. he said how sorry he is that he broke my trust before. he offered multiple times for me to go through his phone or anything else that i can think of that might bring some of my trust in him back. i said no it’s okay cause i didn’t want to seem crazy (im stupid i know).
we started dating. for 2.5 years it was truly magical and everything i ever wanted. he was my best friend like always but now he was also just such an amazing boyfriend too. truly so caring and thoughtful. everyone in our friendship group would refer to us as “marshall and lilly” (himym ref). i can’t explain how truly of a happy healthy and thriving relationship it felt like.
the i found out was talking and seeing B for the first 6 months. he texted her things like that he still loves her and that her being gone feels like a part of his identity is gone. he went to visit her at work multiple times. he told her that his parents hated me so much they started liking her (he claims that was a lie but who knows). he had a secret snap account where he kept a few photos of her (some explicit). he said nothing sexual happened during this even when they met in person. their corresponding ended around the 6 month mark when she got a boyfriend and told him they can’t talk anymore. he now claims he would’ve ended it around then if it wasn’t for that cause he was falling in love with me but who knows.
during that time he went to disney world and also cheated on me with a girl there (how tf you find time to cheat on family vacation beats me). the girl confirmed tho that nothing physical happened .
he went to a charity event with his friend during that time and also spent the entire night flirting with a girl there. also claiming nothing physical happened.
when i found all this out my world shattered. it’s now been a year and i feel like im a zombie just dragging myself to the end of every day. i am in so much pain. the only thing i do is cry but i just can’t leave. i get that im young i get that we dont have finances tied so im in a better place then other people going through this are. but i love him so much. the only thing ive ever known is loving him. the thought of not having him in my life makes me want to rip my skin off. the thought of him moving on with someone else if i leave makes me want to vomit. the thought of feeling this intense love for him that i always have while im with someone else just sounds so terrible. i truly don’t understand how people leave. i’ve seen people around me cheat and get cheated on and the victim leaves immediately. how? i truly don’t understand how someone please explain it to me. did they not love them as much as i love my boyfriend? am i just so much weaker then them? please someone explain how do i stop crying everyday over this or how do i leave when loving him has been my entire life?
im genuinely begging for help.
tldr; please someone explain to me how people leave after being cheated on repeatedly