Seasonal Depression

As soon as the sky is cloudy the whole day, when the tress look dead and it's cold outside I automatically become extremely depressed for no other reason.

The change is so massive in my overall behavior that it's almost scary. One day it can be sunny and warm outside and I'm the happiest person alive and the next day it's windy and rainy I get suicidal thoughts. It's almost like I became a different person in a way.

I can't get any medication. All the doctors are completely overbooked and even their waiting lists are full. I also had extremely bad experience with anti depression so maybe there are other options out there?

Is there even anything that could help me in general? I'm so desperate for a solution and I don't know how many winters I can survive. I'm not even sure if that's still a normal season depression since I have never seen anyone who had this massive mood swings.