How to live more authentically?

Just to note my “spiritual background”: American who grew up Christian . Didn’t go to church much growing up but enough for it to influence my worldview. When I was 17 I got into numerology, in 2020 astrology, in 2022 Christianity. I was an Orthodox Catechumen for 9 months in 2024. I am now convinced of non-duality, and everything that comes with that.

I feel like nothing really matters at this point in my spiritual journey and life in general. I feel apathetic, hopeless & discouraged overall. Not because of the realization of non-duality but because of “my” ability to live it fully. I want to shift my mindset and state of living in a dramatic way. I want to fully live what I believe; unity, love, inclusivity.

I am stuck in weed dependency, alcohol abuse, excessive video game usage and internet usage, junk food, porn, everything that comes with it.

I want to live in a more authentic way. Deep inside I am the complete opposite of how I act in real life. It’s confusing & disheartening.